APP-ETITE FOR SELF-DESTRUCTION

A True Tale from the Front Line of Online Dating

(…Or So I’m Told…)

SUNDAY 10:52am

LifeOutThere: Morning.

Hopeful50s: Morning!

LIFEOUTTHERE: Thanks for swiping right. Nice profile.

Hopeful50s: Thx. And thx!

LIFEOUTTHERE: How are you doing this morning?

Hopeful50s: Hrny. U?

[…]

LIFEOUTTHERE: Shy, aren’t you?

Hopeful50s: Huh?

LIFEOUTTHERE: A joke. Sorry.

Hopeful50s: Oh. 

LIFEOUTTHERE: I was sorta making fun of your putting-it-out-there blunt answer to the first-ever question a stranger asks you online.

[…]

Hopeful50s: Oh. I get it. I think. Lol.

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LIFEOUTTHERE: Nothing wrong with honesty. But this app seemed like it was more geared towards 40+ dating and relationships stuff, is all I meant. Not hookups. At this point in my life I’m going after something a bit more in-depth, I guess.

Hopeful50s: Oh. Sorry. Ya. I guess I was trying 2 b funny 2. Humor doesn’t always translate in here.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Yeah I’ve noticed that, too.

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Hopeful50s: Dating is definitely harder 2 come by after 40 — I’ve found that 2. Especially online. And ur right that this app seems more dating-focused, ya. It’s what keeps me trying in here. ’Cause not n2 hookups here either.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Nice. So anyways … where were we? Oh yeah — thanks for swiping right and reaching out.

Hopeful50s: Ur welcome.

LIFEOUTTHERE: So how you doin’ this morning?

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Hopeful50s: Hrny. U?

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LIFEOUTTHERE: Well… I think I’m gonna go with “fine”

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Hopeful50s: Kewl.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Have you had much luck in here finding dates or relationships?

Hopeful50s: Some. Well, not much. Actually, none. Maybe we can change the odds.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Yeah maybe. This chat marks my longest relationship in eleven months, so that’s a good start. Tell me about yourself. Based on what you wrote in your profile, you live nearby? In the media field, too? And similar age? (It can sometimes feel pretty ancient online, can’t it? That’s another plus for this app, since most of us have already experienced The Shock of Age.)

SUNDAY 10:59am

LIFEOUTTHERE: ?

SUNDAY 11:03am

LIFEOUTTHERE: ??

SUNDAY 5:13pm

Hopeful50s: Not much 2 tell. Yeah, live in the area. And yeah 2 that other stuff 4 sure.

SUNDAY 5:14pm

Hopeful50s: ?

SUNDAY 6:53pm

LIFEOUTTHERE: Sorry, just seeing this. Been out and about all afternoon. You kinda just dropped out in the middle of the chat, so I guess I assumed you bailed this morning. Which is fine. It happens.

[…]

Hopeful50s: Naw.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Ah.

Hopeful50s: Huh?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Was just acknowledging what you typed.

Hopeful50s: Oh. 

LIFEOUTTHERE: I gotta say I don’t seem to meet many interesting people my age and in my field in the neighborhood. I’d be curious to know more about you.

Hopeful50s: Kewl.

LIFEOUTTHERE: OK, so …. what’s your story? I’ve lived all over the country. Came here a few years ago. Born and raised on the East Coast.

Hopeful50s: Kewl. What do u do? You’re in media, 2? Would welcome knowing more local media people.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Cheers to this app, then. ’Cause you just found one. Been in print and electronic media most of my life. Now I write and teach. Working on figuring out my next life act. How ‘bout you? Do you write? Work BTS in media?

SUNDAY 7:14pm

LIFEOUTTHERE: ?

TUESDAY 12:45am

Hopeful50s: Kewl.

TUESDAY 1:00am

Hopeful50s: Yep.

TUESDAY 6:15pm

LIFEOUTTHERE: I think it’s your wordiness I’ve come to admire most.

WED 8:02am

Hopeful50s: Huh?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Sorry. Me trying to be funny again. What were you doing up at 12:45am the other night, anyway?

Hopeful50s: Right?! I know.

LIFEOUTTHERE: So…what actually were you doing up at 12:45 am? Writing?

Hopeful50s: You seem like a good guy 2 know. Smart and (maybe ) funny. Lol.

LIFEOUTTHERE: I have my moments. What were you wr —

[…]

Hopeful50s: We should grab a coffee or something.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Happy to. I teach a few days a week but rest of the time I try to get out and about as much as possible. Pretty flexible schedule. Mid-morning maybe?

Hopeful50s: Lots of places in our area.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Yup. Been meaning to try that new place off RLM Pkway. By the new library? Pretty flexible here, timewise. 10am or 11am some day next coupla weeks?

WEDNESDAY 8:04am

LIFEOUTTHERE: ?

SATURDAY 11:35am

Hopeful50s: You do Snap?

SATURDAY 12:10pm

LIFEOUTTHERE: I don’t, sorry.

Hopeful50s: Insta?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Nope.

Hopeful50s: Hmmm. How u chat with people?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Well, with people who I meet in here, I guess I chat with them …in here. Like this. Or on the phone. Pretty simple, I like to think.

[…]

Hopeful50s: Whatsapp?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Lol. Nope. Do I need it to set up that coffee? :)

Hopeful50s: Lol.

LIFEOUTTHERE: I’m an old-school guy, I guess. Happy to use apps, but once an intro is made or I feel a connection, I’m good with just setting up a meeting in here without jumping to a new app just to keep typing on. Phone works fine, too. Preferable even.

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Hopeful50s: Fone?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Sure.

Hopeful50s: Fone???!!!

LIFEOUTTHERE: Yup.

Hopeful50s: For what?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Um, talking?

Hopeful50s: Hmmm… Well how u get 2 know someone then?

LIFEOUTTHERE: I’m confused. How do I get to know someone?

Hopeful50s: Yeah. Like how u figure out if want to get to know someone better and find out more about them?

LIFEOUTTHERE: I guess by talking to that person, usually. That’s been a good go-to.

Hopeful50s: Wow. Weird. I’d never do that. I need 2 get 2 know someone b4 talking 2 them on the fone.

LIFEOUTTHERE: But how can y —

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Hopeful50s: FB Messenger?

LIFEOUTTHERE: LOL. Nope. Sorry. No Facebook Messenger either. None of any of them. Honest. Look, I’m totally fine with just giving you my phone number so we can talk person to person and figure out a good time to get coffee. Maybe get to know each other that way. Doesn’t that solve a lot of stuff?

Hopeful50s: Kewl.

LIFEOUTTHERE: So do we dare?

Hopeful50s: Dare what?

LIFEOUTTHERE?: Talk. On. The. Phone. All spontaneous like. I’m good for the next hour or two. Around most of tomorrow afternoon, too.

Hopeful50s: Kewl.

THURSDAY 7:30pm

Hopeful50s: ‘Sup?

LIFEOUTTHERE: ?

Hopeful50s: ‘Sup. Same neighborhood here. Mid-50s here 2. You work in media?

[…]

LIFEOUTTHERE: Seriously?

Hopeful50s: ?

LIFEOUTTHERE: We’ve chatted already.

Hopeful50s: We have?

LIFEOUTTHERE: Couple of times the past two weeks. I moved on because I never heard back from you about getting on the phone to set up a coffee and maybe see if we’re a match.

Hopeful50s: Oh ya. The fone guy. LIFEsomething, right?

LIFEOUTTHERE: < Yup. Good memory.

Hopeful50s: Sorry. Been crazy busy.

LIFEOUTTHERE: Busy here, too, but not crazy busy. Crazy busy must be rough. Not sure I’ve ever been so busy that I went crazy. How you doing anyway besides crazy busy?

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Hopeful50s: Hrny. U?